Episode 22: In Which DFM Is A Mime, And Becomes A National Hero

On the five minute walk from the subway to my house I pass no less than three hair dressers. For the first few weeks I was comfortable in my fresh hair cut, and naively felt I would not need to learn how to get a hair cut in Korean from one of them (my hair cut the last time at the Sauna was procured with the help of Lee). However, for the past two weeks I've felt my hair has been getting a little shaggy. Even still, I had let it go this long, but on Thursday I caught Sticker Girl trying to flatten down some of my wild curls that were sticking out worse than Alfalfa's cowlick, so I figured that I could wait no longer.

While I did not know how to say "make me handsome please," in Korean, I did at least know how much my hair cut would cost. A number of weeks ago, one of the climbers at Ace had received a new hair cut and he told me it cost him $8, and that it was the same price everywhere. When I told him in Canada it would cost him over $16 he nearly fell off the wall he was climbing.

Back to today. When I came in to the shop it was empty and the two stylists jumped up out of their seats in surprise (I'm pretty sure I'm the only foreigner they've seen in this neighbourhood). I had planned to stumble through some awkward Korean, but settled on just holding my hair out and making a cutting action with my fingers. The message got through and they had me sit down in one of the chairs.

The stylist asked me if I understood Korean (in Korean obviously), and I responded "a little." It's funny, because whenever Koreans tell me they only understand "a little" English, we are usually able to have a basic conversation. Up until now I've always been saying I understand "a little" Korean, but know full well that if they ask anything more complex than "hello" I'll be lost. However, my studying has really been paying off and I have had quite a few brief conversations in Korean the past few weeks. I can even understand what is being said fairly well, even if I cannot always answer, so I might actually be justified in using the phrase "a little" as a response now.

In Canada, I usually get my mom to buzz my head with a pair of cheap electric hair trimmers that barely work. While I was confident the young professional could make a reasonable approximation of the "roughly even" template left over from my last shear job, I was not sure how I would tell her what I wanted done.

When she did ask me in Korean how I wanted my hair cut (at least I think that's what she asked, all I could understand was "hair") I respond by showing her a half-inch space between my fingers. I assume she took this to mean I wanted it short, but since I heard her say "a little," in Korean, she could also have thought I only wanted half an inch taken off. Either way I wasn't too worried, as my hair was only about an inch long to begin with.

In the end, things worked out well and I'm happy with the results. And what's more, I'll be free from Sticker Girl's fussings for at least another three weeks.

Today was a big day for another reason as well. Some time ago I wrote about trying to memorize the song Superman, by Norazo. Well, it's been about two weeks since then, and after "studying" every day I can finally announce that I, DFM, have memorized and can sing every word of the song. Even though I'm probably the only foreigner to have undertaken this monumental task, I'm fully aware that it is still not likely to help me get a date. That said, the boys at my school will think I'm a National Hero, and that's all that really matters isn't it?

Of course, this means I need a new song to learn. Do not worry though, last week I noticed a really catchy song playing at Ace, and I have copied it on to my thumb drive MandDFM lent me. It's called 달이 차오른다 (roughly Englishised as "tali cha-o-leun-da"), and is sung by the indie Korean band Jang Ki-ha and The Faces.

Now you're probably thinking that I couldn't possibly give you any more good news than that. However, I have a special offer only for those readers who are reading this blog on an electronic image producing device.

For the past many weeks I've been working on my endurance at Ace climbing gym and today I had a major breakthrough. There are two routes at the gym which I have hitherto been unable to complete. One is only 32 moves, but takes place entirely on the horizontal roof of a cave, parallel to the ground. The other is a monstrous 100 move mega-circuit. Normally I lack the endurance to complete even twenty move routes but my hard work and diligent practice must have paid off, because today I was able to finish both of these routes from start to finish.

While I am both happy and relieved to have finally completed the 100 move route (it's Korean name literally translates into "100 Move Route"), I must be careful not to get too confident. Ji-hyeun can complete all 100 moves and then turn around and head the other direction all the way back to the beginning. And, as if that weren't incredible enough, the strongest climber in the gym (who was away on a climbing trip during my last visit to Korea) can go from the start to the finish, and then back to the start again four times. That's 800 moves! He'd better watch himself though. I've really been improving, and in another two lifetimes I think I might be able to match him.

Episode 38: In Which DFM Sees A Flying DeLorean And Dances On TV For Over 3000 Koreans.

It just so happened that my stay here in Seoul coincided with the 2009 Seoul Motor Show.  MandDFM and I are big fans of motor shows (as regular readers will know) and so he was sure to remind me about this one.  It's not every day you get to see a major International Motor Show, in the second largest urban agglomerate in the World no less.

I had convinced Yoo Sung Bok to come along with me, and he said it was his first time to visit a Motor Show so he was very excited.  Here he tests out an A/C motor for me and later suggested I get one for my new gosiwon since it is always boiling hot in my room.

Sung Bok later admitted that he was really interested in seeing the models and trying to get pictures with them.  It was win-win though, because while I rushed around trying to get the perfect pictures of the cars, I always knew where to find him afterwards (I just had to find the nearest booth with a model).

The best exhibit of the Show by far!  This is a revolutionary new plastic, electric window mechanism and casing that will be on the new Sonata.  A woman working the booth, who spoke quite good English, tried to ask me if I was interested in door technology but I had already responded "YES!!!" before she could finish her question.

Hyundai and KIA dominated this year's Seoul Motor Show.  Together they had about 25% of the display space, and they had the largest number of cars and concept cars (each) of any company there.  It took me over an hour just to explore all of the Hyundai and KIA cars on display.  That's not a complaint, mind you, just an observation.

  

KIA and Hyundai also introduced some very neat concept cars (the first time I've had a chance to see a concept car at a Motor Show) including the World's first LPG-hybrid car (the yellow-green one).  The best part about the Hyundai/KIA hybrid cars is that they don't look like a Prius.

Being a big fan of public transport I was ecstatic to see this Hydrogen Fuel Cell powered city bus,  by who else but Hyundai?  Better yet for Hyundai, the line-up to get in on the other side was longer than the bus.

This is a Korean pick-up truck.  These things are everywhere making deliveries, and they get quite annoying when they try to go down narrow back-alleys full of people (which is often).

These guys, with their giant DSLR cameras and zoom lenses, were everywhere.  They looked ridiculous and kept getting in the way of important amateur bloggers, and I'm pretty sure they weren't professionals either since the media day was last week.

There were a lot of models at the show trying to attract attention to the cars, but only two of them were males.  It's especially fitting though that both male models were working the Audi booth.

  

At least I finally got to see my boyhood dream car in the sheet metal: the Audi S8.

I should say this about the models standing by the cars, though.  Many people will object to their presence at the show for religious, sociological, or any number of other reasons, but they were consummate professionals.

I came here on the second last day of the roughly 10 day long Motor Show, but this model still took time to give me a smile and a thumbs up even though she had been standing there in those high heels all day and must have been absolutely exhausted.

My favourite model was this girl who gave me an exclusive.  That's right, you won't find this shot anywhere else!  Look at how happy she is too, and now some pesky labour law is going to prevent her from having "fun" for ten hours a day, ten days straight.  What a shame.

 

The Seoul Motor Show also featured an Automotive History Museum section with such classics as the Model T, whatever the white car is, and...

A flying DeLorean!  (I haven't seen one of those in... thirty years!)

By this time I had taken over 400 pictures and was starting to run out of battery, not to mention we were starting to get tired.  Sung Bok and I decided to leave because Yi Woojin (Sung Bok's friend) had invited me out to a baseball game and we needed to go get something to eat first.   Sung Bok originally had a date with his girlfriend, but figured that since he and his girlfriend had been in a fight recently that gave him a good reason to skip their date and come to the game instead.

While we were waiting for Woojin to meet us, I introduced Sung Bok to the wonderful world of body weight conditioning drills at the park where we stopped to rest.  Soon though, Woojin showed up and it was off to get some snacks to sneak in to the ball park with us.

I admit that I have not been a big baseball fan since the Blue Jays won the World Series (that's not entirely true, I watched every game during their fall from grace from 1994-1996 before I finally got fed up and quit) .  That being said, watching Korean baseball is an amazing experience and I'm now hooked!

Unlike normal baseball, where the fans are left to decide amongst themselves the best time to cheer, Korean baseball requires fans of one team to sit on one side of the stadium, while an equal number of fans from the visiting team occupy the seats on the other (the furthest trip away is only 3 hours on the KTX, so most of the fans come along to support their team on road games).  Each team has its own cheer leader who is an energetic guy with a whistle that stands on the dugout and whoops the fans up in a frenzy, with a well-timed series of unique cheers that everyone seems to know (I think each team has its own unique set of cheers).  There are also some massive Korean drums that are thumped during the cheers to make even more noise.

I soon ran out of battery, so I was not able to take many pictures at the game, but in this picture you can see the dancers who would come out between innings, our cheer leader (in the white, 08 uniform), and the inflatable plastic whacking sticks we received.

The team I was cheering for was called the Woori Heroes.  The team they were playing against were one of the best in the league, from Incheon.  I was told that one of the fans from the Woori team yelled "Incheon rubbish" after another of their numerous home runs, but this statement was rather ironic since the Woori Heroes were originally located in Incheon.  

The Incheon team clobbered the Woori Heroes, but that didn't matter.  Every time our team went up to bat the Woori faithful would rise up to cheer as loudly as possible.  My favourite cheer was "Home Run, Boo-room-ba!"  We would chant this whenever the DH, Cliff Brumbaugh (the Korean language doesn't always have all of the letter combinations/sounds to make Western names), came up to bat.

Originally Sung Bok, Woojin and I were down low, but beyond third base.  It gave us a great view, but put us away from the main cheering section.  That didn't stop me from dancing and cheering and whacking my sticks along with everyone else though, and soon Woojin said I was in the wrong section - everyone around me was sitting down and silent.

I asked if we could move closer to the main crowd, but I was told I had to go first for it to work.  Apparently if Woojin or Sung Bok went first, they would be told any open seats were already taken, but since I was a foreigner I could just act like I didn't understand and go sit down anyways.  I thought it seemed a bit silly, but I wanted to cheer, so off I went.  With our new seats secured I was able to really get going on my cheering.

I used to be a former professional sports mascot, and so once I got myself dancing and cheering I drew so much attention that my antics earned me 20 seconds on the big screen monitor on the main scoreboard.  Everyone around me recognized me and there were many laughs.  Eventually though I was able to raise the spirits of everyone around me (who, up until this point had been relatively reserved) and soon we were all standing up and cheering.

After the game the president of the Woori fan club came over and he was so impressed with my cheering that he asked me to join his crew.  If I ever come back to Korea I will go to every Korean baseball game I can.  It's probably the best version of something American that the Koreans have modified yet, and I love it.

I enjoyed myself so much at this game that I'm going to another game on the 26th.  Woojin said that the best team in the league were hosting a team from Busan, and that it was sure to be a good match.  More importantly, people from Busan are very intense people, and I was told that they have the best cheering section in the league.  I'll be there sitting in the Busan section on the 26th, losing my voice, come hell or high water.

After the game, Sung Bok marvelled at my energy since I was still going strong and humming the songs and cheers while he was exhausted.  He made a comment on how much benefit my frequent exercising and consequent fitness levels must be for my quality of life.  I have to agree.  (... The More You Know.)

Episode 3: In Which DFM Gets Lost At Night And Almost Winds Up At A Goth Party.

Another early morning, I still haven't adjusted yet.  It's great for talking to friends back in Canada, but not for my ability to be fatigue-free later in the day.

Today I went out rock climbing for the first time since coming to Korea.  Seoul has somewhere in the vicinity of 20 rock climbing gyms, and it is my goal to climb in everyone of them at least once.

First gym up on the list is Astroman.  As you can read on the website, Astroman is the largest indoor gym in downtown Seoul (or so they claim, I haven't been anywhere else to confirm that), and apparently it is the main training centre for the Korean National Climbing team.  I'll find that out on Monday when I go back to climb during the "busy time."

The person working at the gym was named "Yoon," or at least that's how I said his name.  He spoke some English, but I had to get someone else to do some translating for me too.  My translator was a father who had brought his young son and daughter in to climb on the wall.  He spoke very good English and worked for a major advertising company with offices in New York and Beijing.  He gave me an interesting history lesson, claiming that because Shanghai, China had been occupied by so many foreign armies over the centuries it had become a globalized, progressive city, whereas Beijing, China was very conservative because it has remained under Chinese control since its creation.

("Yoon" in his amazingly clean climbing gym - you are provided with slippers to wear around and must leave your shoes outside)

(This is the toilet at Astroman climbing gym.  As far as I can tell you're just supposed to squat over it.  You can't see it, but in Korea nobody flushes their toilet paper either.  You're supposed to throw it in the garbage - you can see the blue bag just peeking around the corner of the wall on the left)

After climbing I set off to find Dongbang Sauna (a Korean bath house).  After an hour of searching around I finally found it hidden in a basement in some side street.  Unfortunately when I got there it was closed (so much for open 24 hours).  I might head back there again one day since it may just have been because I went on a Saturday.

(The steam symbol is the sign for a sauna in Korea, and the words to the right read "Dong-bang [bang means room] 24-"shee" [that must mean 24 hours since "shee-gawn" means hour], and then something about "da-joong" [not sure what that means yet] and the "sa-oo-nah" 2nd basement.)

I found another dalk kabob vendor (update:  I discovered today that this dish is called dakkochi and that I have been misspelling dak, even though the Korean spelling of the word clearly has the letter "l" in it).  This guy was only charging $1.25 and the stand started becoming quite busy.  There were even some police officers who stopped for a kabob.  The vendor was in some back alley with many other vendors (as usual), and taxis, racing motorcycles, and small flatbed trucks the size of a small Ford Ranger would keep you on your toes as they tried to fit into areas that were far too small for them.

I crossed a busy street - made even more crowded by the fact that taxi drivers were up to their usual tricks and getting stuck in the middle of intersections because they ran a red light and clogging the crosswalk - and went to Richemont bakery.  Everything was rather expensive here, but I did find a very rich slice of cheese cake for $3.25 and a mango popsicle for less than a dollar.

(This place seems like a tourist attraction since I saw more white people in here than I have at any other store at one time.  I probably shouldn't be surprised though, since I only found out about it from reading the Lonely Planet Korea travel guide MandDFM gave me.)

After this I decided that it was time to head back home since it was 9:30 at night and I did not want to be out too late, since the subway stops running at midnight, and I was quite tired by this time from the lack of sleep and vigorous climbing.

I ran in to a big problem though: I had completely disoriented myself.  It was dark out now and every street was aglow in bright neon light.  I walked down many wrong streets for half an hour, but they were quite a spectacle.  I saw a man in a pink sweater (young, hip Korean men love their pink sweaters for some reason) trying to sell mobile phones by singing karaoke, and I was asked to come to a Korean goth party by a brave Korean in broken English (brave since I can't imagine the goth culture being a widely accepted one here).  I was not in the mood to party at the moment (nor was I suitably attired), but I appreciated the effort so I tried to respond with the only Korean I knew ("thank you... good bye.")

I entered a tunnel that I thought was a subway tunnel, but turned out to just be an underground passageway to the other side of the street.  Inside the tunnel was some of the most impressive graffiti I had seen in a while, and it was well lit.  On the other side I finally found a building I recognized and was eventually able to make my way back to Hongik University Station and get home (I still haven't mastered the pronunciation of this name, but it sounds something like "honky," but with a "g" instead of a "k").

(Just some of the graffiti in the underground street crossing tunnel.)

Episode 1: In Which DFM Explores A World Only Hundreds Of Thousands Of Canadians Have Explored Before, But Perhaps Does It In A Unique Way

Welcome to the first blog post of a roughly 63 part series here on The Kindergarten Cop called "The Korean Cop: DFM goes to Korea."  For the next 60 some-odd days I will be living in Korea and will upload detailed reports of my experience to this site for your "make enjoyment time pleasure with read excitement."  Let's begin.

On Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009 I phoned a taxi company to book a cab for the following morning at 8:00 AM.  I was diligent in setting my alarm, but not in getting to sleep on time.  Excitement kept me up (as did studying the hangeul - Korean alphabet) and as a result my weak wrist watch alarm did not wake me up.  A friend with whom I was staying did wake me up though, and I was lucky that he did because at that time it was 7:40 AM.  I rushed myself out of bed, washed my face, ate my breakfast and packed my bags all in a record 15 minutes.  However, in the rush I did not actually pack my towel which I had "thoughtfully" left in the washroom for my anticipated 6:30 AM shower.

By 7:55 I was at the front door waiting for the taxi.  However, there had been a mix up at the dispatch center and the operator had entered the wrong address for me.  So, at 8:15 AM I started to get worried and phoned the cab company to straighten things out.  A cab finally did arrive at 8:35 and rushed me to the airport.

Things started out with a quick flight to the Vancouver airport.  The trip would have been fine except the loudest, most annoying woman I've heard in at least a week (which is a long time not to hear a loud, annoying woman) just had to be sitting behind me.  It wouldn't have matteredwhere she was sitting though, because I heard other people talk about her afterwards and they had been sitting nowhere near her.  "WOW, NO SNOW IN VANCOUVER!  WOW! A BABY!  WOW! MY SEATBELT CLICKS!!"  All trip long she just couldn't shut up (I added the "wows," but the grating on your nerves was all her).  The only thing that kept me sane was the fact that Air Canada had wisely included an episode of the best show in the world, Top Gear, in its in flight entertainment package.  So, I plugged in my earphones and cranked up the sweet sounds of Jeremy Clarkson offending just about everybody and let the stress die away.  (see: The Tall One, The Short One, and The Other One)

In Vancouver I met up with a Korean in the airport named Choi Young Tae (Choi is pronounced "Chway" in Korea).  We talked for a while until I remembered that I needed to get some over-priced Canadiana trinkets from the Duty Free shop as gifts for any Korean friends I might meet along the way (every Korean person I've befriended in Canada has given me a gift, so I thought I'd return the favour).

I got on the plane and had my first realization that I was heading to a different world.  The first woman I sat down by didn't understand any English.  I thought, "DFM, you're not in Kansas anymore buddy."  Then another woman stole my seat when I stood up, and I was about to say something until I noticed that I had actualy been in the wrong row.  I moved back a seat and met Woo Seong-Bum (Jeff).  Jeff had studied English in Calgary and we were able to share many stories of life in Alberta.  Jeff also helped me shore up my Korean reading skills a bit which was greatly appreciated.  I'm not a pro, I'm not even good, but I can read about half the symbols now if I have enough time, and that's usually enough to figure out the names of subway stations, etc.  Unfortunately, even though I can read the words doesn't mean I understand them.  I have a very limited vocabulary which I will immediately start improving.

There was a funny story with Jeff.  I asked him how my accent was and he said I sounded Japanese.  I responded "oh great, that's doubly bad.  Now I'm not only a drug-using pedophile, but I'm a drug-using pedophile who wants to take over your country.  Old Korean men are going to love me!"  Jeff laughed quite hard at that one.

I was also told that the Internet here is lightning fast.  But so far I'm not noticing anything spectacular.  Files download on my computer faster than they would in Alberta, but not as fast as the guy living next door to me (his Internet is 1 000 times faster on any given day: 1 GB/s vs. 1MB/s on a good day for me).

On the plane I was given a form to fill out for immigration purposes.  Unlike many nations where you declare which items you are bringing into the country, etc, in Korea they give you a simple yes/no questionnaire.  Actual examples of questions from the questionnaire include "are you bringing radioactive weapons into the country?"  Or, "are you bringing child pornography into the country?" (I made sure to point that one out to Jeff to emphasize my earlier point.)  At the end of it all I had to sign on a line under the statement "I agree that I have made a truthful and correct statement."  I admit that it seems like a less-than-perfect security system, but it sure makes it easier for the travelers.  America take note:  I did not have to show my passport 3 times in a row before leaving Customs/Immigration.  Nor was I subjected to any other degrading security checks like having a drug dog check my bag twice while some angry woman yelled at me (I saw it happen to a man in Minneapolis, of course the dog didn't find anything because these checks are mostly for show anyways).  I handed over my form with its "truthful and correct statement," had my passport stamped without annoying questions about my purpose for entering the country (I had already written it down on the form), and was sent off to terrorize the country and rape its women.

A quick note about the movies on the flight.  I swear Air Canada pick the worst Hollywood movies it can find to show.  I happened to watch The Day The Earth Stood Still (the new version).  If you haven't seen it, don't bother, but if you have seen it then you'll know that Keeanu Reeves plays an unemotional alien sent to Earth in human form to warn humans that they need to change their ways or face destruction.  Would you believe that Reeves is such a bad actor that he managed to mess up a mono-emoting character?  Unbelievable!  To be fair, I did get to watch The Secret Lives of Bees, with Queen Latifah, and that film is superb.

After passing through immigration I needed to catch a bus from the airport into the city.  I had no idea how to get my ticket (I was just going to walk on the bus), but Choi Young-Tae from the Vancouver airport showed me where the ticket booth was and helped me buy the appropriate ticket and find the appropriate stop/bus.

The "limousine bus"was amazing.  It had leather, first class wide seats that fully reclined and had their own ottoman (like a La-Z-Boy) and miles of leg room, and a flat screen TV at the front.  The driver was amazing and could weave in and out of three lanes of traffic like he was driving a scooter instead of a coach liner, but he did not speak any English and so I was lucky to have an English speaking Korean sitting near me who translated for me and helped me get to the proper subway station.

The subway stations in Seoul are also amazing.  They're wide, clean, and quite an adventure to find your way to the right platform and get on the right train.  One thing about Seoul that I noticed right away (besides the notable absence of an old urine smell) is that anyone will try to sell you anything at any time.  There was actually a man squatting down on the floor trying to sell a collection of DVDs to passer-byes.

After exiting the right station at the right exit, I had to walk over to Indigo Restaurant (a Korean owned "hip" cafe that tries to recreate a Western atmosphere by playing a collection of Oldies and '80s pop songs while employing hipster Korean males who wear girls' clothes (so, the same as North American hipsters essentially).  I actually quite enjoyed the restaurant even if $4.00 for a slice of carrot cake did seem a bit steep and the owners were very nice and kept me company by talking to me until my landlords came (by this time I was glad to have some English conversation again).  Actually, both the prices and the atmosphere reminded me of the cafe MandDFM and I used to frequent when I was in Canada (see: The Coffee Shop Story).

I was at Indigo Restaurant to meet my landlords who would then take me to the place I had rented.  When they came though, they told me that there had been a mix-up and my place had been given away to someone else.  Things turned out alright fortunately, as they let me stay at their place for the night and then took me to a cheaper, more convenient place the next morning.

When I got back to their place it struck me at just how much a premium space is.  I'm sure that if you have the money you can get large homes, but let's just say that for the majority of Koreans the term "living room" is a foreign phrase.

When I was finally able to take a real shower (my first in two days), I then noticed that I had forgotten to pack a towel.  My landlord let me borrow one of her towels though, so again it worked out alright.  However, you can see from the picture that Koreans have a much different definition of bath towel than do North Americans or even Europeans.

(That is a sub-standard sized pillow on top of a Korean bath towel.  The left edges in the picture are lined up even with each other.  Notice that while the towel is perhaps 5 inches longer than the pillow, it is much more narrow.  Let's just say, "don't forget your house coat" when going for a shower in Korea, because you definitely aren't going to be leaving a lot to the imagination if you try to wrap that around your waist.)

(This is a Korean shower.  The basin of the tub is perhaps 4 feet long and there are no shower curtains, so the water just sprays out and "drains," or more accurately evaporates, from the floor by the hole in the center of the room.  Everyone wears beach sandals to the bathroom here because the floors are always wet.)

I went to bed that night on the first real bed I'd seen in a week (I'd been sleeping on the floor at MandDFM and his roommate's place for five days before my flight), and woke up at 4:30 AM ready to take on the Asian Tiger of South Korea.  

Well, that was day one, keep tuned for more updates from The Korean Cop.  Tune in next time for a story about the Russian Mafia's presence in my neighbourhood.